Im back
Its been like 3 months since i last used this thing. I didnt think i really needed it considering i wasnt in the dale and i never really needed to vent or let things out. Ever since i came back to LA there has been a lot new changes. I feel like there so much to blog about so i can catch everyone (my few followers hahah but i could care less) on that i wouldnt know where to start. I just wanna mention main things that has been going through my mind since ive been on my break from school. I love my school (The Musicians Institute) no words can describe how much i love being there, theres been plenty of new friends i have made with some great parties and experiences that ive done since ive been back, the whole starting trying to make singing/performing a career, my “struggles or problems” i seriously need to take care of and when i do it will be a nice lift off my shoulders, trying to fit in basketball and working out a lot more (for personal reasons), how great it is to have coty here in la =), i actually found someone that i really like but its such a shitty situation and im hoping things will work out, me starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin, how i wanna become a better person and what i wanna do to become that, my bucket list i need to make and wanna accomplish and i swear theres so much more that i feel like i need to blog about. I wanna become a better person and just grow and i finally feel like i have a better idea of what i need and wanna do and now its all about following through and doing it. I have to take care of business first and do a bunch of figuring out. Work hard play hard right?!?!?! From this point on im gonna start doing it. So tumblr im gonna use you to help me stay on track as sad as that sounds but i think it could help. Its gonna be a fun and long journey but im excited. Peace out for now…
“true colors”
Scott Vincent
I havent been this happy and excited in a long time
Its 12:12 in the morning and im downstairs watching FRIENDS. I just got done eating a pizza with JJ in 5 mintues cause i realized that it was almost midnight and it would be friday so that means no meat cause of lent. We hella just scarfed it down…i guess it was one of those you had to be there kinda thing cause to us it was funny. Anyways today was seriously awesome! I was sleeping and Emily from the real world tweeted about how her and Mike are gonna be on the blogspot radio answering questions and what not. Normally i would have just ignored it and gone back to sleep but i got a phone call from my mom and it woke me up. I decided to try and not be lazy and just get up so i did and then went online and got on twitter. I saw Emilys link and decided to click on it and listen in. I called in on my phone and it gave me the option to dial 1 if i wanted to talk to the host so i did jsut for the hell of it. So im sitting on my computer on fb listening to Mike and Emily answer questions from callers and then all of a sudden to host goes 360 your on. And i was like OMG thats me thats me and i was trying to take it off speaker phone and i was saying hello so they could hear me and next thing i know im on the air and i got a chance to ask them a question. I was SO nervous and excited that i didnt know what to say or do. I was like i love you guys and think your awesome and i would love to hangout with you guys sometime and they were like you should. Then i asked Mike if he has decided on either moving to LA or D.C. cause that was the first thing that came to my mind and prbabably cause thats the one thing thats been bugging me the most and he goes well im gonna be in LA from the 15th-21st meeting with agents and managers and how he has a couple auditions so hes gonna see how that week goes and will have a better idea of what he is gonna do and Emily goes move to LA so i can come visit and we can go surfing. I was just so shocked to be on the phone with them that i didnt know what else to say and i didnt know how long i could be on the phone. The host said thank you and i was done. I kept listening and the next caller is asking HELLA questions and talked to them for like 5 mins. I was so JEALOUS! I wish i couldve asked more questions cause i have a lot more that i would love to ask. Its cool cause that seriously made my day. Then later on that night i got a tweet to my phone from Mike (cause i HELLA follow him and now Emily, Andrew, Callie and even Ashley) and with my phone when you get a tweet from someone you can only see the name and no letters at all from the text so i see his and im ohk what is it? The next thing i know mike is tweeting to ME!!!! It said @scottvincent11 haha thanks man. Have a good night! I was stoked!!! I like ran into jjs room and i told her and i was like Mike hella tweeted back to me look. Then i run downstairs and show Sara my tweet and i was like its from Mike!!! Auntie was like Mike who? And she kept asking. I was just so excited about what happend that i didnt want to answer and also cause i didnt want her to know about “me” but then Sara said hes from the RW. I obviously responded back cause i ALWAYS tweet back to him and just other “celebs” cause thats what twitter is for. Its to network with people and come in contact with them. Im hoping now he will remember my name and see how much i tweet him and eventually start follwing me or like we can become friends that way. Im hoping it doesnt happen with just him. Even with like other “celebs” that i follow. I freakin love Mike and think he is great and would love to date him but i doubt thats gonna happen so i would at least like to be his friend cause he seems tight. Really when i tweet “celebs” its to come in contact with them and hopefully build some kind of network cause twitter is all about networking. I love twitter!!! I loved it before but now i love it even more. I wish i was like “famous” so i could have HELLA followers cause i would HELLA resond back to people and i think id be interesting to follow cause i tweet all the time or i could be annoying cause i do tweet all the time. Hahahah but whatever…Also i got my financial stuff from my school so i know how much i have to pay and all that crap but i dont quit understand it so i have to call tomorrow and have them explain it to me. That got me even more stoked cause that means i can start trying to book my ticket back down =) Since Mike is gonna be in LA from the 15th-21st im trying to convince my mom to book my flight sometime in between then so i can maybe run into him. I found out that hes gonna be here at the herelounge on the 20th and i really want to go back down and meet him. I doubt my mom will let me so im not trying to have my hopes all high and what not but at least i know im gonna be back down in LA in like 2 weeks. Wohoo!!!!!! So stoked…things are slowly starting to work out and i like whats happening and im gonna keep it this way. Im gonna make my life better and i cant wait for this new start! So stoked..gosh im excited. Trying not too be to excited just in case i dont get back down but i dont want to jynx it. I love God and just have to thank him for everything he has done for me and answer my prayers. I feel like its a new me and im so ready for this new start. I cant wait what the future holds for me =) (side thought i hope Mike moves to LA cause i know ill run into and meet him sometime cause of twitter lol). AAAHHHHHHH 2 more weeks please let things work out. All the signs are there and it seems like it is but well see once i book my ticket. Im loving life and this new change im trying to do cause so far its been treating me well. Ohk i think im done and this blog is probably all over the place and what not but this excitement has my thoughts unorganized and everywhere (even though thats all the time but this is worse than normal lol). Peace out for now….
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Football flirting
http://www.realworlddailies.com/Video/Football-Flirting/092ECFFFF00A1312F001B00DE9A76
Its 1 in the morning and i just got done watching 6 straight hrs of RW dailies. I actually really like this season cause of Mike, Emily and Andrew. Some of the videos were HELLA funny.I know its hard not to stereotype cause ill admit that im guilty of doing it when it comes to race but I ran into a RW daily video that i really like and I think its a good example showing that not all gay/bisexual guys are the same. I hate when people get stereotypical and think were all the same but were not. Sometimes you can even find “gay/bisexuals” more masculine than a straight guy. One of my fears and i know other people are afraid of it too is coming out and being stereotype and judged. Unless you are going through or have been through it you cant really understand what its like to fight it. I dont want to be judged on my personal life. Yeah, i still love the lakers, play sports, love God, hoop, sing, etc…doesnt make me more less of a man than the guy next to me. If you watch the video (without the flirting) it looks like 2 guys just throwing a football or even with the flirting it still shows were not all the same. These are guys im attracted too. Fighting a stereotype is hard. I shouldnt worry about what people think and do my own thing but its hard when your afraid how people are gonna take it let alone your family and friends. You never wanna lose people that you genuinely care for and dont want to be treated ANY differently. Im glad i have those friends and family members who still love and support me because it makes a HUGE difference and really helps out. Just let people do their own thing and just support them and what they do with their life. Fighting the stereotype, feeling confident in myself and my sexuality has been a constant struggle in my life for a long time. Fighting the stereotype will probably be one for the rest of my life. But ive come to terms that its better to be happy with who i am rather than putting up a front my entire life. Ive learned a lot from my past and ready to put it behind me, put it in a hatchet, lock it up, burry it, throw away the key and move on. Im so ready for the future and everything thats gonna be thrown in my face. Now if only i can find a guy like them =p. Peace out for now…
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Accepted
Its 3:32 am and im on the floor in my moms room while listening to Kris Allen and waiting for my mom to get up and get ready for work so i can lay in her bed. I dont know why it took me pretty much until now to blog about me getting into MI. It was sometime in the afternoon and i was napping and my phone rang and normally i probably wouldve just ignored it (depending on who it was) but i noticed the area code was 323 so i knew it was down in LA so i picked it up. I obviously tried not to sound like i was sleeping (cause who wants to sound like that in the middle of the afternoon?) and it was Gary my advisor. He wanted to congratulate me on my acceptance and that i will be getting my letter in the mail sometime within the next couple of days. I was sooo stoked! It was weird cause my friend posted the “leo’s” horoscope the night before and it said you will be recieving good news tomorrow and i got mine =) He said once i get my letter to make sure i read the second page because it has to do with my tuition and registration. I was too excited that i hardly paid attention to what he was saying or didnt even to bother to ask questions (which sucks i cause do have some even though i know i could just call and ask again but thats not the point). He asked if i signed up for financial aid and i told him that i was finishing up my fafsa form today (which i didnt cause my mom didnt know an answer to a question and i need to know it before i can finish it) and he said good because whatever they dont cover is what i have to make up and that will be due on the 25th. First thing was like ohk sounds good. He stressed how important not missing my registration date was i knew that but i forgot to ask what that entailed? I have SO much stuff i need to take care of within the month. I need to figure out my fafsa and loans first and QUICK! Im hoping they cover a lot cause i dont want to be paying hella every quater considering its 6675 a quater =/ Then i need to find out if i have to be there by the 25th to sign up for classes or just have eveything paid for by then? Cause that means i need to book my ticket and i dont even have a place to stay. Man oh man im stressing out here! Then i also need to take care of my gym membership before it starts adding up cause im WAY overdue. But of course i need to take care of school first but when im good with that i can take care of my gym cause i miss it so much and want to go back to hoopin there. But first paying for school, bookin my ticket, housing wont be TOO big of problem at first cause if worst comes to worst i think i can go to my bros but i really dont want too, then i need to get a job quickly. Man oh man im stressing! Im excited im in but im worried im not gonna get everything figured out in time. So i will be excited once i book my ticket and i know im actually leaving until then im trying to get everything figured out so i can be outta here. Im at least accepted so thats a good thing now just one step at a time but fast steps. Peace out for now….
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Frustration
1:20 am in the living room watching FRIENDS. With all the crap ive been feeling and thinking Im finally admitting to myself that im in love and not just any kind of love. Im in love with a man and it feels right as much as it hurts I think this will be good for me cause i cant stop trying to deny things, make me more comfortable with myself, feel more confident, help me emotionally and mentally and im just go with it. I have never felt like this about ANYONE. So to be in “love” for the first time really sucks cause its never ever going to happen but im just gonna have to learn how to deal with it and try to move on as quickly as possible. Ive been trying to get over this person for the longest time but im seriously going no where. I dont know even know where to start?!?! I could go on for hours talking about this person but what good is that going to do me? Ill just talk about what i go through and what i need to do…
Heres what i go through. I think about you ALL the time and it hurts. Especially being back here in WA not getting to see you and we dont even talk. I mean why would we? Theres no reason for you to want to see how im doing, text or call me or just randomly come in contact with me. Everyday i want to call or text you just to see how your doing and what your doing but i obviously cant do that cause with our kind of “relationship” that would just be weird. So many things remind me of you. Ill find the most LAME excuse to ask you a question or something just to hear something back from you hoping it leads to a solid conversation. When i feel my phone vibrate i hope its you but then im like why in the hell would you be texting me? Sometimes when i see the time i want to text you knowing that i know your free from work so i can hear from you. There are so many things that remind me of you and not a day goes by that you never cross my mind. I think about deleting my FB so i dont check yours. Ive been drunk dialing and texting you the past couple of times ive been drunk and thats no good. Im most likely losing respect, annoying you and just embarassing myself (one reason why im not gonna drink for a while). I probably do call you cause thats the only time i have courage to actully call you up and talk to you. I remember one time i called you and you said you think you might be in love with your gf after like a month or two of talking/dating and of course im happy for you but it hurt. I got jealous real quick and it hit me pretty hard. Ever since i heard that ive been so broken inside even though i know there isnt a chance in the world of us going out it still hurt. I fool myself everyday hoping for that slight ray of hope. Its like liking a celebrity….its NEVER EVER going to happen. Sometimes throughout the day thoughts will just run through my head and i get so depressed and i get teary eyed.
What i need to do is stop being a lil bitch and suck this shit up and come to a reality. I need to get busy and so i can keep my mind off of you. My plan is to stop talking to you unless you have say something to me first and im gonna limit the conversation to a minimul. Whats hard is that when im back in LA your literally my best friend out there. Your a true homie so its gonna be hard to not want to see or hang out with you. I hope i get into MI so i can meet new people (and network of course) and hopefully that will help me move on. Whats also crappy is i know im going to see you at least once a week but im just gonna have to deal with it. Luckily its basketball so im focused on winning. When im back in LA im gonna try and not hang out with you until i feel like i can be around you without feeling hurt. Ive been contemplating about coming out to you to see how you will react cause it can make such a HUGE difference. Im not gonna tell you that i like you im just gonna say im bi. Its either your gonna accept me for who i am and wont change anything (which im hoping for and something i hope for with all my friends when they find out) or you can feel uncomfortable and not want to be friends anymore. Thats the one thing im worried about when i come out to people. My new rule i follow is that im not just gonna blurt it out to people but if it gets brought up im gonna feel confident about myself and my sexuality and say what i am. Im scared to say something cause i dont want to lose you as a friend but then again i also need to follow the rule of “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Also it could help me move on. Maybe ill just focus on not trying to hangout as much (good thing im giving up drinking for a while so i really wont be going out), finding new friends and just keeping my mind off of you. Hopefully i can find someone else that can catch my eye and move on that way? Im not trying to get attached to anyone at all especially cause im young, i just want to have fun and since im always the nice guy finishing last i feel like i want to just go out and do my thing ;) but if there was any chance of us being together i would never do anything to ruin it.
So pretty much im hurting inside and i need to move on. Hopefully i can get over him real quick. Im so ready for the new start cause this is one thing im adding to my list in my new start with getting over you. Peace out for now….
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Go big or go home!
August 14th. My birthday is on a saturday and its my 21st. Spread the word!
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Boy band
Im listening to my N’sync pandora station and im just thinking about how awesome it would be to be in a band. Ive always wanted to be part of a “boy band.” Like an N’ sync, BSB or one thats out right now called Varsity Fanclub. I could see myself in one and i think its where i fit best. I have no problem with not being the main vocalist, i want to dance/choreography when i sing (even though im horrible at choreography but practice makes perfect), i love the idea of being with your best friends all the time and flirting/serenading someone while you sing? I love doing that! Plus it makes it easier for me to flirt cause i have no game (hahaha). I just think it would be so much fun. Maybe if i get into this music school ill be able to find some guys who are willing to start one? Peace out for now…..
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Patience is a virtue
I was sitting in my living room and i was perfectly fine until i saw something that really got to me so i went upstairs. I really try not to let things get to me but when your seriously that person who happens to always finish last it gets to you. Trust me im a guy who finishes last. I hold things inside TOO much and eventually i just go off and explode (thats probably what happened to me last fri) i honestly dont know if anyone knows what its like to be me? People say they can relate but no you really cant. You dont know whats its like to feel like your not succeeding at anything, your not good at anyhting and when you feel like you are or can be your not given any credit, your such a good person things will start to happen for you or you will find that someone. I have heard everything in the book but seriously 20 freakin years? Im not asking for a whole lot but i would at lest like some credit due to me. Im glad i got this tumblr cause it helps me let things out and im sorry if you are the few people following me and dont like reading this emo crap but if you dont like it then you can stop following me. I need to stay busy cause i never got this emo back in LA (only like once every other month and who doesnt have their times when they get hit with depression? So once every couple months is fine with me rather than every other day) cause i was always doing something even if it was just basketball at lest it kept me away from my thoughts. But theres nothing here for me to do that can occupy me and keep me away from thinking too much. I need to hear back from this school real soon and move on and get this new start im beggin for. Peace out now….
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
Keeping your and my mouth shut
1:24 sitting in my living room watching FRIENDS. So pretty much every night when im by myself with my thoughts i ALWAYS think about my regrets. Theres A LOT of actions i regret doing and i wish i could take them back cause it has lead to many many mistakes especially lying which i am not proud of at all. I hope people can just keep their mouths shut and forget about what i have done and said in the past and move on. Im trying to move on but i feel like its hard when i feel like people wont forget and so i have to keep going along with certain things cause i dont want to be judge for my mistakes. Sometimes i wish i could just totally forget about people and cut them out of my life but thats so messed to do but i just dont want to have to keep going with some stuff and keep pretending to be this person i dont want to be. Seriously when im back in LA this is a BRAND new start and i cannot wait! Get me out of here quick so i can move on with my life. From now on im forgetting about my past mistakes and moving on. Im never ever gonna bring them up or try to think about it and whenever someone brings things about my past im not gonna talk about it. Im SERIOUSLY done with my past. Im putting it in a box, locking it with a key, burrowing it underground and swallowing the key. Its a new me! Peace out for now…
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
I want this shirt REALLY bad! Its from HRC. Im not gonna spend any money the next couple of weeks so i can buy this.
“TRUE COLORS”
Scott Vincent
